2025: A Year of Depth and Connection

As this year comes to a close, I sat down to reflect on what 2025 brought, what I learned, and where my focus will go next year. I would like to share some of the moments that stayed with me and shaped the work ahead.

What This Year Brought

This year felt full and meaningful. Much of that meaning came from the conversations with spouses who allowed me into their stories. Their honesty, their questions and their determination shaped the direction of my work more than anything else.

The focus on diplomatic spouses and partners became clearer. The more stories I heard, the more obvious it became how specific and misunderstood these challenges are, and how rarely they are named out loud. Staying close to this community felt not only natural but necessary.

The research on the first diplomatic posting helped illuminate some of the patterns many spouses were already living through. The shifts in identity. The pressure on the couple. The sense of losing ground while trying to build a life in a new country. The University recognised this work with its Dissertation of the Year Award, which felt encouraging because it signalled that these experiences matter beyond the private walls of each household.

The spaces we created together — individual sessions and two small support groups — became places where spouses could explore what was happening inside them without judgment. These moments of depth, validation and shared problem-solving were among the most meaningful points of the year.

There were also meaningful wider conversations with EUFASA members and several European National Spouses’ Associations about the impact of the first posting, as well as financial dependency and identity transition of seasoned spouses. Dozens of new spouses prepared for their first move with the help of my video masterclass. And the new website brought all these pieces into one place, so spouses, diplomats and foreign ministries could find support more easily.

Another important part of the year was meeting researchers, psychologists, coaches and career & financial advisors who care about the well-being of spouses as much as I do. These connections are forming a community of professionals committed to supporting spouses in ways that are thoughtful, evidence-based based and respectful.

Looking back, the year grew through stories, insights, small consistent steps and big wins for the spouses. 

What I Learned

Diplomatic life holds a million gains and a million losses. A metaphor offered by a friend that stayed with me all year. Spouses often speak about the beauty of this life, but not about the cost. Shame, pressure to perform and the belief that it is their personal failing make the losses difficult to name.

Diplomatic spouses are heroes. They carry financial dependency, identity loss, power imbalances, social isolation and loneliness. Yet they continue supporting their families and their partners. The bravest ones speak openly about their experiences without victimising themselves or hiding the difficulties.

The couple is everything. Research already confirms that spouses are essential sources of support for diplomats. What became clearer this year is how much the partnership matters for the spouse, too. When couples acknowledge both the gains and the losses of diplomatic life, they create space for a shared experience rather than parallel, uneven paths.

Spouses remain interesting mainly to other spouses, and this needs to change. Foreign ministries are beginning to pay attention, which is encouraging, but much more needs to happen. Spouses’ well-being is essential for sustainable diplomatic work. A recent discovery that I recommend is Susanna Erlandsson’s book, Personal Politics in the Postwar World: Western Diplomacy Behind the Scenes, which highlights the influence and importance of the diplomatic couple.

Agency is possible even within dependency. Spouses often feel more powerless than they need to be. Financial and organisational dependency is real, but autonomy is not only linked to income. Self-worth is not a financial variable, and agency can be restored even inside the constraints of diplomatic life.

Informal spouse networks can become real safe spaces. Not only places to ask about schools or familiar food (though that is important too) or share fundraising successes, but places that bring together the wisdom of seasoned spouses and the concerns of those just starting. Spaces without judgment and with curiosity for each other’s experiences.

What Lies Ahead in 2026

Next year, several colleagues and I will continue researching the experiences of diplomatic spouses. My work with national associations will deepen, supporting spouses preparing for their first posting, addressing financial dependency and exploring resilience.

I am also excited to devote more time to writing for and working with diplomatic couples. The old model, where one partner builds a career and the other simply follows, no longer fits the world we live in. Diplomats know that. Spouses know that. The real questions are: How can they avoid becoming another sad statistic? How can couples navigate a system that still keeps them unequal and face the challenges as partners?

I look forward to this work.

Until We Meet Again

It has been an intense and fruitful year. My therapy work continues, but I will take a short writing break to prepare for what comes next. In the meantime, I invite you to read two important pieces: one for you, the spouses, and another for your partner, the diplomat.

Thank you for being part of this year. Your stories, your courage and your honesty about your journey are what make this work meaningful.

Happy New Year! See you in January!

Photo by Shane Rounce on Unsplash